when you’re in a bad mood and your friend is trying to cheer you up
I’m not saying I’m Kristen Wiig, but have you ever seen us together in the same room? Think about it.
"You’ll distract the boys"
Oh no god forbid that we distract the boys. Can’t distract the boys. The boys are the important ones here. They’re the ones here to get an education. Can’t distract them. The boys. Too important.
offensive things to call people when they’re mean to you:
- crispy nipple
- the white stringy things in bananas
- tangled umbilical cord
- nash grier
- iceberg lettuce: world’s blandest green
- watery afro
- fountain water at school that never tastes right
- voldemort’s breathing holes
i’m a strong believer that not everything you do needs an explanation. if you want a tattoo, get one. if you rather stay home that night, it’s okay to miss that party. don’t forget that you’re living for yourself. you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your choices or preferences.
If you haven’t heard this today, I’m glad that you’re alive.